After reading Lee’s post on the Forums about internet friends and what qualifies as an internet friend, I just had to drop my two cents into the mix. I don’t think I’ll be over here giving anyone definitive answers to the question given how difficult it is to find a comprehensive definition of “internet friend,” but I may be able to clear things up from the point of view of a Third Wave internet person.
As someone who grew up with the internet, and spent their formative years building relationships in tandem with it, I define an “internet friend” as a person who you have frequent contact with over the internet. Whether you know this person or not in real life is irrelevant. If you are majorly communicating with them over instant messaging features of social media apps or other phone apps, then that person is your “internet friend.” Though I do see where Lee is coming from with bringing up knowing people in real life with whom you also share a connection on the internet, I see it as a little less of a gray area. I propose that people can start off as internet friends and move into the category of a real-life friend if the way you contact them changes (via internet or in-person interaction), and vice versa if a real-life friend switches to an online friend.
For example, I have what I would label as an internet friend with whom I went to high school and was very close with. I consider them my internet friend because almost all of our communication in the past 4 years has been through videos on Marco Polo or social media. Even though our friendship began as a real-life friendship, it gradually moved into the internet friend category as we went to different colleges and spent more time far away from each other. What determines the definition of the labels for me, is how we contact each other and in what media. Since I do not have a lot of experience with internet friends that started from the internet, I am curious to see if those of you who do have them think my proposal has some truth behind it.
An interesting post! I think what we are finding is that which general, broad labels can be helpful (like McCulloch's "groups" of internet users), the nuances can also be illuminating.
ReplyDeleteAnd you've got me thinking about how many of my friends are now (mostly) internet friends (even pre-COVID, as we are spread out across the country). Social media is neither inherently good or evil, I think, but one *good* thing, in my opinion, is that it makes such friendships more lively and real than they would have been even 20 years ago.
I couldn't agree with you more. I think social media definitely has its pro's and con's, but ultimately it is all in how we use it. For me, it certainly brought new life to a friendship that I otherwise would have let fizzle out as time went on, and I am forever better for it.
DeleteInteresting concept! I agree that a better classification of "internet vs IRL" friends would be how you most frequently contact them... Although the exact place the line is drawn in terms of how much of each kind of contact is, as you say, still nebulous.
ReplyDeleteI will say, however, this much more sensible definition would certainly change some of the dialogue around internet friendships (probably for the better, IMO, it gets so stuffy sometimes). Most of the current language used by academics (mostly psychologists) to talk about this still see internet friends as internet-ONLY friends. There's language for people who switch firmly from one category to another: a friend who moves away, or internet friends who move in together, but still not much for this (IMO improved) concept of "switching" between one and the other with perhaps some degree of frequency throughout the relationship.
Thank you for bringing up the psychologists terms and perspectives, because that did not even occur to me as I wrote the post. However, it would be interesting to see what they would think about my proposal, and whether it would change their minds on the lines they've drawn with the terms they have already coined for instances like you have pointed out.
DeleteSo interesting. I never considered an old high school friend an "internet friend", however, now thinking about it, you are correct! If it weren't for social media I would not speak to 98% of anyone I went to high school with (I keep in contact with one friend and that is all). Ultimately, I would not even know anything about them these days if it weren't for social media.
ReplyDeleteAnd actually before I read Lee's original post, I wouldn't have called my high school friend and internet friend either. It was only after really deliberating what I labelled as an internet friend that I finally decided on the label.
DeleteI've been thinking about this, too, particularly, my college friends with whom I only maintain a relationship via the internet--with no prospect (or even inclination!) for that to change. Without social media, we would not be part of each others' lives at all.
Delete